Weddings

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The World We Made: Coming soon...

UPDATE: There’s been lots of interest in this podcast, with about 2000 listens from 30 countries and counting! If you haven’t subscribed yet, we’ve added a few links to make it easier for those of you who aren’t on iTunes, which is most of you. (Welcome non-Apple fanboys.) Don't miss an episode. Scroll down and subscribe now.

"These are the confessions of American Christians recovering from American Christianity. This is the world we made."

Warhorn Media is pleased to announce a new podcast hosted by Jake Mentzel and Nathan Alberson and featuring Tim Bayly. The World We Made is designed to help ordinary American Christians think through the difficult issues we face in our culture today. Season 1 is about homosexuality.

Over the course of the first season, we talk with Tim about how we went from having anti-sodomy laws in all 50 states (just 50 years ago) to where we are today. What are the changes Tim has seen in his lifetime? What exactly do they mean? What part did the culture play and what part did the church play? How are regular Bible-believing Christians supposed to respond? What has Tim learned as a pastor to help equip us for the challenge of ministering to men and women tempted by homosexuality?

These are the questions we'll be unpacking over the course of eight 20-minute episodes. We'll start out slow and easy, and things will pick up steam as we get closer and closer to the end. You won't want to miss it, so check out the trailer (above), and go ahead and subscribe now in iTunes or Android (or wherever you listen to your podcasts—Google Play Music, Stitcher, TuneInRSS feed) so you're ready when the first episode drops (July 17). 

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Why I like doing weddings: along with a model liturgy and sermon...

You might think I'm crazy, but as a pastor there's no service I'd rather lead than a wedding. Even when things go wrong there's always lots to love. You may not know you should think I'm crazy for feeling this way.

Many pastors dread weddings. For starters, they're one of the higher-pressure services we lead. The pastor gets caught between the wedding coordinator, the bride, and the mother of the bride. And if that weren't enough, the bridal party underestimates the importance of the rehearsal, the ushers rarely buy into the importance of their job, and musicians often want to wing things, so the stress really amps up and it's square on your shoulders. So why are weddings my favorite?

Maybe it's that I've officiated at enough weddings by now that I'm more comfortable with them. Having spent a decade or so in college ministry in a college community, weddings are a constant for us. Maybe also because I've managed to miss the most difficult weddings. For one reason or another, they were passed on to other pastors in our church.

But this past weekend I was honored with the privilege of officiating the wedding ceremony of...


A father's surprising answer...

[NOTE FROM TB: A dear sister in Christ e-mailed this to my wife and me a couple days ago. We've spent years benefitting from her wisdom privately, so when we were together recently, I asked her to write up some of her wisdom so others could benefit. She declined, but a couple days later she surprised us with this gem. I hope there are more, forthcoming. We're running this piece under the pseudonym "Anonymous" because, while I am resigned to slanders on Baylyblog against the men who write here, the worst bile spewed out on Baylyblog was directed toward a dear woman we love very much. Her post was one of the best, but since it was critical of the abandonment of femininity by women today, it aroused hatred unlike any we've seen before or since. We won't allow any woman to be attacked like that again.]

When my husband and I moved to a new town in 1986, we came with the hope that we would purchase our first home. We had set our budgeted price at $55,000 and began to look at houses. We saw several we liked in the $60-65,000 range, and then I found the home I loved. It was in the neighborhood of our new friends, and it was beyond cute. The asking price was $65000. I called my father and said to him that it seemed that the homes that we would like to buy were about $10K more than we felt we could spend, and that, in fact, we had found a home that we loved for that amount. This was his cue to say that he would give us $10,000, which would have been nothing to him. In fact, I believe that his impulse to do just that must have been very strong, and that it almost certainly took a tremendous amount of self restraint to answer as he did, "Then you will need to find a cheaper house."

wax-1175873_640.jpgThis answer was in sharp contrast to the backdrop of my life.

In kindergarten, I was the only child in my class to have a new box of crayons half way through the year. The crayons were provided by the school, but I didn't like the way they looked by January. So my father found out who supplied the crayons and purchased a box, which he delivered to the kindergarten.

In high school, I remember a day that the choir was to sing, and I had a run in my stockings...


iOS 9, Obergefell, sweet tea, Jeeves, and ad blocking...

If you aren't reading about it, maybe you should. But then again, maybe not. Ad blocking, that is. Apple's new iOS 9 allows ad blocking which, everyone's saying, will be profoundly disruptive for internet as we know it. I've read some on the subject and get it that Apple, Google, and FB are in a war to the death. Believing in competition, I don't mind. The only hope for education is public school systems having to face competition, but that's the whole point of the Democratic Party—to keep teachers from facing competition for our tax dollars. Everything else about Democrats is window dressing. Take a look at any crowd shots at their national convention and you'll see every last person there is your high school guidance counselor or social studies teacher.

Last night three pastors from three churches and one elder were discussing our policy going forward in the post-Obergefell world and we found ourselves wishing some one state—just one, puhleese!—would refuse to allow homosexual marriage so our people could do destination weddings there. It would sort of be like the old days when people flew to Las Vegas to get married and divorced because Nevada's marriage and divorce laws were so bad. But opposite: this state would host destination wedding because its marriage laws are so good simply by denying SCOTUS's usurpation of "we the people's" Constitution.

True story: back in the first church I served, the Nominating Committee nominated a woman for the eldership...


When should a pastor say "no" to officiating a wedding...

Under the post, "Dealing with sexual predators; objections answered...," one reader asked: "Tim, if you won't marry someone who doesn't intend to have children, how do you deal with 1Corinthians 7:9?"

But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Here's my response...


The "mutual submission" of Tim Keller, Peter Leithart, Bryan Chapell, and Matt Chandler...

Are you weary of listening to wedding meditations filled with nostrums about mutuality in marriage, usually preached by men you thought were complementarian? Well, let me clue you in: the point of complementarinism is to reduce wifely submission to a husbandly and wifely submission popularly referred to as "mutual submission." And to help sell this palliative narcotic, it is made to appear to be coming from the mouth of the Apostle Paul. This so-called "mutual submission" has become the only submission Reformed celebrity pastors preach.

Putting as much distance as possible between himself and Mark Driscoll, Acts 29's Matt Chandler recently preached...


A toast to the newlyweds...

Last weekend Mary Lee and I had the privilege of joining in the celebration of the marriage vows of Eric and Katherine Alberson at Sovereign Grace Church in Fairfax, Virginia. At the wedding reception, Eric's younger brother, John, toasted the bride and groom and he kindly agreed to my sharing with you...

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Clearnote pastors' written prayers, set forms, and clothing...

In light of the discussions concerning "set," "fixed," or "written" prayers, worship forms, as well as the clothing worn by pastors, let me clarify a few things. First, here at Clearnote Church, Bloomington, we regularly (weekly) use...


Are the weddings and marriages of your church biblical...

Back in 1976 when Mary Lee and I married, it was hip for brides to marry but not take their husbands' names. Some combined their husbands' names with their own maiden name: for instance, Taylor and Réze Schreuder-Bayly. Some husbands held back and kept their own name while their wife added her maiden to his: for instance, Taylor Bayly and Réze Schreuder-Bayly. Others chose for the husband and wife each to keep his or her own name: for instance, Taylor Bayly and Réze Schreuder.

Which is right?

For centuries it's been the habit within Christendom (the Western world which honored Christ and His Word in word, if not in deed and thought and heart) for wives to signify their movement from the authority of their fathers to that of their husbands by dropping their fathers' last name and taking their husbands'. It was no dishonor to the bride's father because everyone heard the minister ask, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?," followed by the father's response "I do." At this point he took his daughter's hand and transferred it to his future son-in-law's, went, and sat down next to his wife.

No one ever asked (nor asks yet today) "Who gives this man to be married to this woman?" The closest we come is President Lyndon Johnson's (then) novel deferral to Lady Bird Johnson by...


Mr. and Mrs. Taylor Isaiah Bayly...

Saturday afternoon we celebrated the wedding of Taylor Bayly and Réze Schreuder. Here are the newlyweds, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor Isaiah Bayly, sitting on their pickup truck outside the reception.

The reception was held...


Some pics for your enjoyment...

Lord willing, this Saturday our youngest son Taylor will wed Miss Réze (pronounced reesa) Schreuder, eldest daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Niek (Therese) Schreuder, and last night the Schreuders invited us over to meet their family members just arrived from South Africa and Namibia.

It was a wonderful and interesting evening with good conversation outside around a fire. (Niek did coffee and Rooibos tea over the fire.) Later in the evening we listened to Afrikaans music while oldest to youngest danced. There were lots of pics, some of the original family farm in the Namakwaland area of northwestern SA where Niek grew up and his mother still lives. Known for the georgous wildflowers that spring up in the desert during winter rains, here's just one pic Niek took when he and his family were home for a visit last year. I'm color blind and I was thunderstruck by the beauty of picture after picture of these flowers:

Other pics were from the siblings' homes. There were pics of...


Lolo Jones, church weddings, and white...

Dear sister Kamilla passed on this article by feminist Carolyn Custis James responding to Olympian Lolo Jones's public confession of sexual purity. Months ago Jones told her interviewer she was a virgin, and then she said:

It's just a gift I want to give my husband. But please understand this journey has been hard. There's virgins out there and I want to let them know that it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Harder than training for the Olympics. Harder than graduating from college has been to stay a virgin before marriage. I've been tempted, I've had plenty of opportunities.

It's no surprise that despicable publication that loves the blood of the unborn infants called the New York Times will try to smear Miss Jones. But Ms. Custis James claims to be a Bible- believing Christian. How does she oh-so-subtly diss Miss Jones's wonderful Christian testimony?

By talking about how women misled by our cultural values or raped in the Democratic Republic of Congo shouldn't be viewed as any less worthy of a husband than virgins like Lolo Jones. Which is to say public discussions of virginity might make women who are victims or sinners feel bad--it might hurt them.

Very true. That's why raping a woman or fornicating with a woman are evil. They rob the women God has called men to protect of the most precious gift a bride gives her bridegroom at her wedding. Isn't that what Miss Jones said?

Remember that it's the postmodern's morbid habit to sacrifice the normal on the altar of the abnormal. And if there's ever a case of normal, it's the bride being presented by her father to her beloved bridegroom as a virgin, dressed in virginal white. If our efforts are spent trying to make non-virgins think nothing of their sexual oppression or failure, what will we do with all the Biblical texts holding up the purity...


Authority and submission in the bedroom...

Under son Joseph's post, "Humble is as stupid does...," "Anne" asks the question:

Can you provide Scripture that says authority and submission, 'conquering' and 'surrendering', are to be carried out in the bedroom? Because neither Song of Songs nor 1Corinthians 7, not even Ephesians 5 in its entirety suggests such a thing.

P.S: Failure to respond will be taken as a failure to provide appropriate scripture.

To which I respond:

Dear Anne,

Concerning physical marital intimacy, function follows form...


Another (yawn) minced confession at the PCA's Redeemer Presbyterian Church...

RedeemerWedding"To be wrong, and to be carefully wrong, that is the definition of decadence." - G. K. Chesterton, A Miscellany of Men

Here we have a wedding ceremony of Redeemer Presbyterian Church, Manhattan.

Presiding over the service on the congregation's right wearing a suit is a male pastor (Scott Sauls) who formerly held his credentials in the Evangelical Presbyterian Church--a Reformed denomination that approves of female pastors and elders.

Presiding over the service on the congregation's left wearing a minister's robe is a female pastor.

Wedding ceremonies not being sacramental among us Protestants, one might argue it doesn't matter much if female pastors co-officiate with male pastors...


A wedding sermon for man and woman...

The Bible says it is better to marry than to burn with passion. But we say that it’s better to live with each other first to determine whether you are “compatible”. We say that it is better to burn with passion than to get married before you have established your career. We say that it is better to give ourselves to lust than to give up the prospect of two high-paying jobs. We even say that it is better to give ourselves to impurity before marriage than for people to think we are weird or to call us "legalists" or "prudes." - Joseph Bayly in a recent wedding sermon

Here's a wedding sermon that, across church history, would have been a yawn. But today it elicits anger and hatred--and from men and women claiming to be Reformed.

How have we gotten to the place that pastors leave out the word 'obey' in the woman's vow and preach sermons to brides that don't mention childbearing and submission?

Speaking in Toledo this past weekend at the Friday Night Bible Study at the home of Bob and Debbie Forney, I pointed out that the weddings I attend nowadays are entirely gender-neutral...


Tilting at windmills...

Over on a conservative Reformed blog, a couple men have been arguing that the church today is being threatened by some who are taking father-rule (they call it "patriarchy") too, too far. No one really wanted to be specific, but when pressed by the esteemed brothers Craig French and RCJr., the following list of practices was submitted as proof of this grave threat.

We are told that the men who pose this threat within the Church are those "suggesting..."


What is a Christian wedding ceremony...

Hannah just returned from a wedding of a friend and happily reported that it was a Christian wedding. Which might lead some to ask what is a Christian wedding?

Well, it's not what New York did this past Lord's Day. Despite what the civil magistrate says, those weren't even weddings, let alone Christian.

A Christian wedding is a public exchange of vows by one man and one woman in which the man vows love and faithfulness until death and the wife vows love and faithfulness and obedience until death.

Other things may be added, but without each element of those vows, it is no Christian wedding.

Evangelicals need to be divided and this may well be the method that will do it most surgically...


The wedding...

For those convinced that weddings mean something, did you notice today how the fairer sex signed their submission to Adam and his brothers with a veil or headcoverings?

(TB: thanks to Phil)


A brief on feminism, with a note on the deeper meaning of weddings...

If you think Luther and Calvin sinned in their rhetoric and you suspect parody does not edify, you may want to pass this one up. For the rest of us, here's an emetic for all the feminist toxins we're force-fed each day.

And if you're wondering, my dear wife Mary Lee liked it. But then this is a woman who pierced her own nose back in 1975 so let the reader undestand her opinion doesn't count for much.

(TB)


Contraception or birth control: a matter of life and death...

...for the foetus, though enclosed in the womb of its mother, is already a human being, and it is almost a monstrous crime to rob it of the life which it has not yet begun to enjoy. If it seems more horrible to kill a man in his own house than in a field, because a man’s house is his place of most secure refuge, it ought surely to be deemed more atrocious to destroy a foetus in the womb before it has come to light. (John Calvin)

(Tim) Readers familiar with Baylyblog are aware my brother and I believe most use of contraception is contrary to the will of God Who commanded us to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:22, 28; 8:17; 9:1, 7; 35:11; Jeremiah 23:3) and to propogate for Him a godly seed (Malachi 2:15). This is the reaon the Westminster Confession (XXIV, 2) explicitly states fruitfulness is one of the three purposes God created marriage. Still today, this reason is recited in the wedding liturgy used by Biblical pastors presiding over wedding ceremonies. Listen for it.

We don't believe every married couple has a Biblical duty to have as many children as physically possible, yet it should be our joy to give ourselves to what God has commanded and to receive His blessings with glad hearts. We live in an evil day, though, when even among the People of God, couples are expected to justify their Biblical faithfulness in this area and if they give themselves to Biblical fruitfulness, they feel the weight of other Christians disapproving of their hard work and asking them to justify it.

Beyond faithlessness in childbearing, Christians today are also faithless in the methods of contraception they use. Which is to say that as convenience is the basic concern behind couples choosing not to have lots of children, so convenience is the basic concern behind which method of contraception they use.

Let me say this clearly...